Faith - About Faiths

  
     
  Religious beliefs and values affect our lives in all kinds of ways, and when you’re in an interfaith relationship the impact of different beliefs and cultures can be a shock. As you are exposed to different beliefs and assumptions, you may find yourself asking serious questions about God, or meaning or values. Religious differences can sometimes lead to bitter conflict, but sometimes to a sharing of the riches and insights of both traditions. How you approach the whole question of faith – your own beliefs and those of your partner – is therefore very important. Can you respect one another’s integrity and allow spiritual ‘space’ to each other?

You may feel that religious faith isn’t that important to you as a couple, or that the differences between you are more about culture and nationality than about religion. Perhaps you’ve found religious people a nuisance; maybe they’ve tried to stop your relationship, or their opposition may look as if it’s based more on prejudice than faith. You may feel that, at least for the moment, faith is a ‘no-go’ area. Even so, you may be surprised at how faith affects your values and outlook and those of your partner. It’s worth spending some time thinking about what your faith means to you, and finding out about your partner’s faith background and how it has helped shaped the person they are now. Many people in inter faith relationships advise that you should learn all you can about your partner's faith, even if you decide not to join it. Read about the religion, its history and traditions as well as the range of beliefs. Visit the place of worship and join in if you are able to. Find out about feasts, fasts and food laws, gender relations, particularly as they are understood by your partner and their family. Also think about expected behaviour and attitudes to family.

You’ll probably find there are ideas and values in your partner’s tradition which are very similar to your own, and there may be things which seem better expressed or more strikingly beautiful. You will also find things to disagree with. One woman in a mixed relationship advises: ‘Find out how things are done, and try to embrace as much as you can. It was uncomfortable for both of us at first, but in the end it was very enriching.’

Faith involves strong feelings and deeply-held beliefs. Because in some respects faiths themselves disagree with each other, they also enshrine teachings which are critical either directly or by implication of other faiths and ways of life. In an interfaith marriage it’s likely you are going to come across some of these negative aspects, perhaps in others, perhaps in attitudes you or your partner have inherited yourselves. It can take time to work through these. It will help if you can both recognise that it is hard, and be patient with each other as you come to terms with the different perspective on faith that an interfaith marriage gives you. It may help to keep in mind some ground rules of respecting each others’ religious space while you both concentrate on building the other strengths of your relationship.

Alternatively sometimes people in interfaith relationships are criticized for being woolly about faith, or for mixing their religions up. Sometimes this is true, but many work hard at understanding each other’s beliefs and values, looking behind the differences to find principles and values with which both partners can agree. Successful interfaith relationships are not about mish-mash and platitudes, but about recognizing differences and facing them realistically and creatively. You may think you are just ‘muddling through’. But you are learning valuable skills while you are balancing two faiths in one household.		  
     
  What is religion?  
  You may think of religion as something that connects a person with God, Truth or the Transcendent, guiding them through life. Or you may associate it with identity, binding someone with a particular community and way of going about things. Many people see it as a combination of both. But a label like ‘Christian’ or ‘Hindu’ doesn’t tell you much about what exactly any individual believes, how enthusiastic they are about it, or what they practice. Some people even claim more than one religion because they feel they don’t fit neatly into one category, so you sometimes come across people who say they are ‘Christian Buddhists’ for example.

Religions usually include a set of beliefs, a way of worship and also an ideal way of behaving. You may think of belief as something personal and private, or as something to share openly, or even make a statement about, for example in what you wear. Whatever your attitudes, we’d suggest you think about them before you make lasting decisions about how you are going to deal with religion as a couple. 		 
     
  Interfaith resources  
 

The Interfaith Network for the United Kingdom: http://www.interfaith.org.uk

University of Glasgow, Centre for Inter-faith Studies: Information, events, resources and courses including distance-learning courses. http://www.religions.divinity.gla.ac.uk/Centre-Interfaith

Harvard University Pluralism Project: Comprehensive site for interfaith resources, gazetteer of faith resources in USA, with profiles. News research etc in USA and in other countries. http://www.pluralism.org

The St Ethelburga’s Centre is ‘a unique meeting space in the heart of the City of London devoted to promoting understanding of the relationship between faith and conflict' http://www.stethelburgas.org

The Three Faiths Forum: encouraging friendship, goodwill and understanding amongst Muslims, Christians and Jews http://www.threefaithsforum.org.uk

The Council of Christians and Jews: Britain’s oldest national interfaith http://www.organisationwww.ccj.org.uk

The Maimonides Foundation: aims to foster understanding, dialogue, and co-operation between Jews and Muslims http://www.maimonides-foundation.org

The Christian Muslim Forum http:// www.christianmuslimforum.org

The London Interfaith Centre
http://www.londoninterfaith.org.uk

Global Dialogue Institute: Interfaith dialogue website http://www.global-dialogue.com

World Congress of Faiths: many interfaith resources http://www.worldfaiths.org

Westminster Interfaith: http://www.westminster-interfaith.org.uk

Edinburgh International Centre for World Spiritualities: http://www.eicws.org

http://www.faithinitiative.co.uk

Pages on mixed relationships
http://www.religioustolerance.org/ifm_menu.htm

The Dovetail Institute http://www.dovetailinstitute.org

Reform Judaism. http://www.reformjudaism.org.uk
‘I’m Jewish, My partner isn’t’ annual seminars led by Rabbi Dr Jonathan Romain. rabbi@maidenheadsynagogue.org.uk

The Methodist Church: Information about interfaith activities and projects. http://www.methodist.org.uk/index.cfm?fuseaction=information.content&cmid=698

The Islamic Foundation: Centre for education, training, research and publications.
http://www.islamic-foundation.org.uk

The Muslim College, Ealing http://www.muslimcollege.ac.uk

Oxford Muslim Educational Centre: Educational events, workshops, conferences in central Oxford http://www.meco.org.uk

North London Buddhist Centre: Events, talks and courses, including classes in meditation and Buddhism. http://www.northlondonbuddhistcentre.com/buddhism.pdf

The Joseph Interfaith Foundation: a Muslim-Jewish organisation http://www.josephinterfaithfoundation.org/

Bahai International Web pages http://www.bahai.org/