Help is available. Whether it’s addressing a particular flashpoint or working on having a healthier happier relationship more generally, these are just a few places to find the right kind of help for you.

Relationship counselling, support and resources
http://www.relate.org.uk/wantadvice/commonrelationshipproblems/FAQ_939.html

www.marriageabout.com

http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/MH/00104.html

www.tccr.org.uk tavistock institute for couple relationships

www.relate.org.uk largest UK couple counselling organisation

www.marriagecare.org.uk marriage support, Roman Catholic-based, all faiths welcome.

www.scottishmarriagecare.org

www.2as1.net/marriage_support.html

http://www.myh.org.uk Muslim youth helpline: 0808 808 2008 helpline, supportive Islamic counselling.

www.asianfamilycounselling.org.uk

http://www.islamic-foundation.org.uk

http://www.flamefamily.co.uk - Anglican Family Life and Marriage Education site

http://www.an-nisa.org for Muslim women and their families

http://www.marriagecare.org.uk/index.asp?sid=2&rid=64&pid=180

www.instituteoffamilytherapy.org.uk Family mediation, centre for cross-cultural studies

http://family-marriage-counseling.com

By definition if you have different religions or beliefs you have different sources of authority, whether in the form of religious rules or people. You may have different criteria for making decisions. For some people faith provides a framework of rules to live by, for others values are more personal and intuitive. Religious belief even within one faith tradition can take different forms. The aspects you emphasize may reflect your culture but also your personality.

http://what-about-lifecoaching.com/definition-of-spirituality7.html

http://www.retreats.org.uk Retreats association website and directory on finding a retreat.

www.apscc.org.uk The Association for Pastoral and Spiritual Care and Counselling (includes all faith communities) Website includes a bibliography on psychotherapy and religion

http://www.turveyabbey.org.uk/13_Interfaith.htm Turvey Abbey in Bedfordshire, pages on Interfaith activities including courses, conferences and retreats

Your faith may teach about family life and marriage, but how does your partner feel about it? If your partner doesn’t really feel what your faith teaches has anything to do with them, can you find a different common ground in agreed values for decision-making?

Sometimes religions have explicit teachings about what’s expected of a partner of another faith, and what limits should be imposed on them. Can you reconcile these rules with your reality? There’s a fine line between your religious integrity and your partner’s freedom. What is ‘right’ in terms of religion may not always appear ‘right’ from the point of view of marital harmony. Are you willing to compromise and take the time to work out a balance that’s good for you as a couple and family?
Some couples find they can manage fine by leaving religion out of the relationship, either because they either don’t do at all or do separately, or they work out a state of truce around certain issues. But are there ways you can enlist your faith in supporting your marriage rather than undermining it?

How do you see your faith? What aspects of it are most important to you? Is it impossible to practice your faith properly without a partner’s support and involvement? How might you use the inspiration and values of your faith whilst living in a situation ‘outside the box’? Can you try looking through the other end of the telescope to see what your relationship might bring to your understanding of your faith? Being in a close relationship with someone of another faith means you may well start exploring what belief in general and your two faiths in particular are about, it may be the start of a journey: it may be good to know there are other people exploring and thinking about faith in the same territory.

Interfaith relationships are complex and involve more than one faith and one community. Some religious authorities may give you the information you need on permission and procedures for an interfaith marriage but couples often feel they would welcome more than this. There are now a number of religious figures who have the wisdom and insight to be able to support both partners in an interfaith marriage, and to respect the integrity of the partner who is of a different faith. Increasingly with the growth of interfaith work religious professionals are getting to know their colleagues in other faiths. Even if they can’t always provide all you would like in terms of joint celebrations for example, ministers of religion do have a lot to offer you, in particular those who are involved in interfaith work with colleagues in other faiths.

If you’re starting on the journey of conversion there are other resources you may want to access. Much that applies to interfaith couples is still relevant where one partner has joined the faith of the other. You are both coming to your faith from a very different place, often with different assumptions. What does conversion actually mean to both of you? A total transformation or basically the same person with a different title and a new wardrobe?

If your partner has converted to your religion it does not mean that they are going to share every detail of your culture, or that either of you is automatically more correct. What do you both expect in terms of social life? Tolerance is just as important for mixed couples of this kind as it is for interfaith couples.